When I was a sophomore, I had a panel interview in my department. That interview aimed to select a student to go to an exchange program in Japan. At the moment, no word came out from my mouth. That was one of the humiliating moment in my life. I felt so stupid on that panel when I was hearing my competitor speaking like a native. I left the room in a huff. I came to my home and start crying. These frustrating questions haunted in my mind. How could I go abroad if I couldn’t speak English? Could I fulfill my to-do-list before I graduate? I had no idea.
That made me go through 500 km away from my hometown to Bali. I would forget all these things while I learned English at the same time. When I was looking and talking to people around me at the moment, I was surprised. Those Indonesian people who worked there had a date with beautiful foreigners! Those people were not well-educated, good appearance or having such a prestigious career/job. I went for a stroll around the shore for observing more, why those people seem so happy? Is there any dream that they haven’t accomplished yet? What’s the definition of happiness then?
I should be grateful because I could afford college and had a better education than them. But why I felt so intimidated and under-pressure? What would my future be? I was 19 years old by the time. With a beautiful sunset, I talked to a Brazilian guy. He came from Rio de Janeiro. What I knew about that city was only Jesus sculpture. Surprisingly, he believed in God even he loved alcohol. He said,”Bro, you’re still young, there will be plenty of time, don’t think too much, just enjoy every single moment in your life. The more you feel grateful, The more God will give you.” Suddenly, I remember the equation P = F /A which stand for P=Pressure, F=Force, and A=Area. Why you felt under-pressure? Because of the higher force such as ambitions, comparing to the others, dream and many more that come from your thoughts and outside. I want to be free. What should I do? Should I lower my standard then? I forgot about the “area”. The area is your heart, no matter how big your force is, as long as your heart has the ability to accept all of the things in your life, the common denominator would increase, the less pressure of life would be. You will be happier.
I didn’t believe in religion things that much at the time. I thought I was Christian because I was born into a Christian family. If I was born in a Buddhist family, I would be Buddhist as well. Chaotic thoughts run in my mind. Why we alive if eventually, we will die. What is my purpose of life then? I felt so empty. Laying down on the edge of the Kuta beach woke me up. I should fix what happens in my heart. Something emerged from inside, I want to know You, Jesus about the truth. I started reading the bible from that time.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”-Matthew 7:7
I’ll open my heart, ask and seek my purpose of life. I want my own bliss. My new life has begun. Let’s live to the fullest :)!